The Internet is very different for women than it is for men. While men know that online some people don’t always show their best manners and online hate is “a thing,” men know surprisingly little about the experiences women have online.
I spent the past year pouring this very online world of women into a book (name of the book: CYBERF*CKED – available in November 2022 in German) aimed at men so they can see what women experience. One of the big differences is that attacks against women very quickly escalate into sexualized violence.
As if to prove it, I came across this chat that a reddit user had with a man. The latter was interested in an iPhone she had offered on the Facebook marketplace. It starts harmlessly:
That was all she needed and off she went.
So she had presented the reasons, and they should be sufficient. One would think…
She thus explained her reasons again, and that should actually be good.
He began to seriously mainsplain to the woman that women would only invent harassment. She also told him that on the head.
As soon as someone has to repeat several times that he is a “nice guy”, you can assume the opposite. In any case, she draws her conclusions:
She has withdrawn from the conversation as he begins to flood her with messages.
He continues his monologue, which very quickly went from an iPhone purchase to a discussion about rape, after an incredulous inquiry from her.
That was not the end of it:
In my book CYBERF*CKED, I present some tactics that toxic men like this use.
- he starts to get personal;
- he explains things to the woman from above that she knows better than he does, without ever wanting to hear her opinion – this is known as mainsplaining
- he portrays himself as a man who is acting in the women’s best interest and is therefore being nice;
- he feels entitled that she should interact with him and becomes impatient when she does not respond and give him her attention;
- he portrays women’s concerns as unjustified and calls them feminazi/feminist crap;
- he perceives this portrayal as attacks directed against men, thus interpreting men as the victims of women (perpetrator-victim reversal);
- he thinks women invent and report rapes (fact is that.
a) rapes are not more often falsely reported than other crimes,
b) the number of unreported rapes is very low compared to the number of reported rapes, and
c) even of the reported rapes, only a single-digit percentage actually results in a conviction;
- he sees himself as such a nice guy, who at the same time is also well equipped with a big dick, at which every woman would have to weaken immediately; a typical “if a woman would only get fucked by a real guy like me, she wouldn’t be a lesbian or anti-male”
- he starts calling her names and wishing her death;
These are some of the tactics and arguments toxic men use when insulting, harassing, and threatening women online.
Here is the cover of my book, which will be released on November 10, 2022 and can be pre-ordered now:
Here again is the entire chat history as posted: